Despite this article's title I really do love wine and food from Italy, France, Germany, and other countries as well. And who among us can reject a bargain? But I also hate wine and many, many aspects of the wine scene. Let me explain my top ten reasons for this love-hate relationship. Previous articles discussed the unconscionable expense, the embarrassing lack of knowledge, no wine cellar, I can't get the ... bottle opened, insomnia, food problems, wine snobs, and the smells and tastes of wine, and wine colors. This article discusses home brew and the solution.
Why am I not a fan of home-made wine? To make it short and sweet I have yet to taste a home-made wine that doesn't taste like a home-made wine. When you know a little bit about the complexities of wine production, it's hard to believe that you can go to a store, buy liquid concentrate, pour it into bottles, squeeze on an ill-fitting cork, and in two months (or is it two weeks?) obtain a quality product. I know that I may be exaggerating somewhat, but the truth remains. History shows that time and time again dedicated amateurs have stood up to and even surpassed the professionals. But non-dedicated amateurs?
I think we can make an exception for people whose family have been making wine for generations. They may get their grapes from a brew-your-own outfit, especially if they live in a city apartment. But they don't just add water, stir, wait a few weeks and expect to get better than Grandpa's wine, except perhaps for the last batch he made when he was going blind and tried to push up the alcohol level with salt instead of sugar. Our humble conclusion, brew your own beer-maybe, wine-never.
There is one more problem with wine, but it's none of your business.
And now for the Solution. I have been told that the solution to these problems is to forego drinking wine and move on to mineral water, tofu drinks, or even single-malt Scotch. To which I reply, never. Now if you'll please excuse me there's this special bottle that I've been meaning to open for a long time. It was quite expensive, I'm not sure of its grapes varieties, it hasn't been cellared, I know I'll have trouble opening it, I won't sleep tonight, there's nothing but day-old pizza in the fridge, the guy in the wine store turned up his nose when I bought it, my nose is plugged and my color chart is nowhere to be found, but it's not home brew and I know I'm going to enjoy it. This might even tempt me to write a series on the top ten reasons I love wine. (But not the wine scene.)
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